Sometimes when I ask you something, you say you can’t promise anything. Guess it suggest the concrete fact, you are a free soul. No one dictate terms to you but you live in your own way. I don’t want to cage you or hold your hand tight imposing manacles. I respect your freedom. I like it if you ask me to do this and that and believe its a girl thing. I like it if you say don’t worry, things will be fine. Even if you don’t say anything I will never unbalance your status quo.
You are indeed a free soul…
After all these years, you are still the first thought that comes to my mind. There are times that you are busy and I am alone but I try to bear it. Guess that is the meaning of being in other person’s shoes. You are under stress and I don’t want to be the cause of your wrath. I just live on my own till you come back.
Being alive is not easy. Killing one self is so easy. Whoosh… just gone from this cruel world. “Let anyone cry over me”, someone might think. True. Once we are dead, we cannot see what is happening around us. We are not responsible. We don’t care too hoots. In short, we are selfish. We think only of us. We think “we are dead now, nothing can touch us”. True. But I think it’s just being cowards.
Life is given to us. We are not strangled by our parents when we were born. They should have. But they didn’t. They could have. But they didn’t. We grew up. We became what we are. We made bonds.
I met you. You said it’s alright to fall in love. Yes. It was. Because of my childish demeanour, you left me couple of times.
You know, I feel like dying. I wanted to kill myself. What is the point of living without you? But I couldn’t. I am still alive and you are with me. World is vulgar. People are crazy but we have to find a way out. You are there. That’s all I want. I will help you out of this. I am not going to let you suffer like this. I am here for you. I love you. I love you so so very much.
Today is my birthday. Was able to spend most of the day with you but now I am alone. You wished me bit late and I was starring at the phone. But you wished anyway. I love you. I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy that you were with me, sad because I am alone now. I hope we will be celebrating lots of birthdays together. In times to come, on a different land.
Let us keep our fingers crossed.
I love you, my love…
“Love is like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours. But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he’s not there, you feel like an addict who can’t get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you’re willing to do anything for love.”
When I read Paulo Coelho’s masterpiece “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept”, these words engraved in my soul. How much I love you, how much I think of you and how much I miss you. What I would not do to hear you at this very moment.
What a cold night….