I never consider myself as Mother Theresa. I have my own follies. I push doors that says pull, I walk through wet floors and I love without holding back. When I know whatever I go through, there is no interpretation for that. I don’t pretend. I am an open book. Relax and Read me . You will find peace. From cover to cover. No short cuts..
I do have a conscious. A precise one. When I don’t talk, I think and thinking make my heartache. My heart gives me pain for the person I have become. That sweet, delicate, sensitive girl has become mature and got a grip about what is happening around. It aches me. I am not heartless and brutal. I have a heart. It’s just I don’t give in to my emotions. I have to be responsible for you. It pisses me off. I am not a perfect daughter, I used to be. I used to be an example to all the daughters in the world but now I can’t even understand me. I used to be childish. I used to cry at night. I have not raised my voice. But now I feel like a monster. I hurt you. I don’t pretend. That I am sure out of all things in the world. And I love you. Life is not easy and I fear that I would die soon. I am not afraid of death. What would happen to you if I die, that I fear. I am afraid of leaving you behind. I have spolit you. What will happen to our love if I die?
Tears. I shed when I was hurt by you. I was immature and we fought. I don’t remember it but how much I love you. You wanted to teach me a lesson. Of course I was stubborn and immature. You showed me the truth. I am a part of you and you of me. I help you and you help me. Not to gain something, not to fool each other. But truly because we care, love and respect each other. I love you. I have always and I will always. But by God, I want you near. Its been too long and I think we both are running out of our patience. It’s time baby. It’s time to be together.
How many time I have told you I love you? Do you believe me? I do not want to live far. I want to live around you, where I can see you. Where the wind that brushes you would brush me, kissing my lips when you can’t. When we are in the midst of a crowd. I love you, I don’t want to run away from you. I have found you after searching for centuries perhaps. I don’t want to lose sight of you. I wonder what God must be thinking. Isn’t it obvious for him that I love you? Why can’t he help us?
I am tortured.
Today is one day we both like to celebrate. 19th of every month. It has become a ritual of a sort. Our real anniversary should fall in june. But not only today but everyday I thank God for giving you. It’s a blessing to have You. I love you.
I have been thinking a lot lately. I would not say we came this far in bed of roses. But all these years I had faith in you and I don’t want to loose you ever. I trust you. When everyone on this planet used me and abuse my good faith, you stood tall like a rock. Doesn’t matter whatever the obstacle, whatever the problem I faced you stood right beside me, moulding me and guilding me into a better human being. I used to be emotional and forgot what I should do but you put me in the right track. I don’t want to thank you and wipe my hands. I don’t want to say “the cosmos don’t want us together” and leave. I want you. I just don’t know how but cling on to other possibilities. True, it’s beyond us and it is so impossible. But this faith is the only thing that gets me going. Sometimes I feel I am a lunatic, tossing away what I have. But we met for a reason and I think we are truly meant to be. We went through every obstacle and hope is the only thing that helps me to breathe. I miss you terribly, even when we are less than hundred kilometres away.
Am I crazy?