Ego…

I am very serious. Headstrong. If I want something, I want something. Even the outcome is stupid. For example I wanted to get away. Run away as fast as I can. From everything I know. Everyone who loves me or hate. And now I am here. Lonely and looking at the sun set on my own. Shopping for groceries on my own. Job hunting on my own. Cooking on my own. It sucks. I had no proper plan. And it is bad. It is bad for you. It is so much bad for me. I had suicidal thoughts. I wanted to go back. But I hated to be a defeatist. I hate to be wrong. I have my pride and my ego to take care of.

It is been 43 days. The worst and most difficult in my life. Everyday I cry. Still do. Because I do not hear any sound. Just the sound of clock ticking and vehicles passing. No wind even. Or rain. Sun shines but he won’t shout. Clouds don’t pass.

I was chatting with a friend today and she Said “West is boring,unlike the colourful East”. It is true. Although how much I like my privacy, my peace of mind, the decency of people here, I miss something. I don’t feel I am alive. I just exist. I choose this and no point of complaining. But I miss home. I miss you all the time. I miss the familiar sounds. They scare me. They made me run to where I am today. But this silence make me lonely. 
~Dilly~

21/08/2016

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