Day by day even when I think I am ok or going to be, I fall more than before. I fall hard and my heart is heavy. I am an insomniac. A confused one between time zones. One who wakes up when I am supposed to sleep. A life which sucks. I didn’t leave you for a better one but I left you temperorily and I am cursed for that. It is true we have shouted at each other but that’s not out of malice. I make you angry. I make you crazy. Its my mistake. I should have loved you more. I should have stayed.
Morning and evening when you drive we talk. I used to look into your eyes and you used to touch my feet from your feet, underneath the table. It was fun and romantic. We were under the scrutiny of many eyes. But we always managed to steal a kiss. But I was selfish to come here, leaving you. May be I am going crazy. May be I am a sadist. I know how hurt you are. I know how much pain you must be going through. Living long distance and being in love is the worst that could happen to a couple. I trust myself and I trust you, although you see beautiful girls around you and tell me but I think if we have true love by our side, we should not take it for granted. I love you and you love me too. We should not waste our time being away from the other, I think. Life sucks without you. You are my life…
I just wanted to surprise you by saying the story of finding the ring later. But unfortunately I had no internet. I think I was almost dead but thankfully revived. I know now what love is. I thought I knew but I was wrong. I thought I had everything in control but I was so wrong. I have messed up your life and mine. Its crazy. I wanted to be with you but stupidly I went ten thousand miles away from you. I have to suffer for the pain I have caused. For hurting you. For making you sad. Love is such a pain to be away from each. I have spent only two days but I think it is such an excruciating pain.
Life is a Hell…
Tears. I shed when I was hurt by you. I was immature and we fought. I don’t remember it but how much I love you. You wanted to teach me a lesson. Of course I was stubborn and immature. You showed me the truth. I am a part of you and you of me. I help you and you help me. Not to gain something, not to fool each other. But truly because we care, love and respect each other. I love you. I have always and I will always. But by God, I want you near. Its been too long and I think we both are running out of our patience. It’s time baby. It’s time to be together.
I have been thinking a lot lately. I would not say we came this far in bed of roses. But all these years I had faith in you and I don’t want to loose you ever. I trust you. When everyone on this planet used me and abuse my good faith, you stood tall like a rock. Doesn’t matter whatever the obstacle, whatever the problem I faced you stood right beside me, moulding me and guilding me into a better human being. I used to be emotional and forgot what I should do but you put me in the right track. I don’t want to thank you and wipe my hands. I don’t want to say “the cosmos don’t want us together” and leave. I want you. I just don’t know how but cling on to other possibilities. True, it’s beyond us and it is so impossible. But this faith is the only thing that gets me going. Sometimes I feel I am a lunatic, tossing away what I have. But we met for a reason and I think we are truly meant to be. We went through every obstacle and hope is the only thing that helps me to breathe. I miss you terribly, even when we are less than hundred kilometres away.
Am I crazy?